I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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