oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
