It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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