sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I cut my penus on the lid.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
