Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
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