Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
