my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
