My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
This house was built for laser tag.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize