Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
