was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just took my morning after pill in the library
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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