I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
