So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
