i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
