Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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