Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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