sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
