It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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