There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
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