I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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