Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
