Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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