why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
