you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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