Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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