if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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