when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
