I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
