I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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