It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
porn star boner night. come get it.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
