How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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