We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
