do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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