I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
