what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Redeem this text for a blowjob
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
