threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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