the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
