I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
