Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize