Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize