Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You pole danced in your parka.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
