there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
