drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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