haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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