I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
