He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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