Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
