i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
