He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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