I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
