It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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