so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
