i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
