it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
