I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I am spending my child support on dildos
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
