Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
