I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
