Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
