i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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