Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
