nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
