I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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