the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
