Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Even my vagina gasped.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
