I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
love makes seman taste better
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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