oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Damn victory sex feels great
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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