I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
