Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
