yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
