I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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