Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
