Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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