Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
