She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
